


Agent Vermont

by BossyCoatrack



Series: Blood Gulch Freelancers [4]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood Gulch Freelancers AU, Death for a joke, Dialogue Heavy, Explosions, Freelancer AU, Gen, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Recruitment, Stupidity, it's not sad i swear, silly death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-18 06:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BossyCoatrack/pseuds/BossyCoatrack
Summary: After six months with no new candidates, Price was becoming desperate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In case you need help
> 
> Montana~Sarge  
> Massachusetts~Caboose  
> Puerto Rico~Lopez

Simulation Troopers were generally considered expendable, the rejects of the UNSC. You didn't call on Sim Troopers to fix things, you sent them to either get killed or to fuck things up more than they already were. Unless you were desperate.

  After six months with no new candidates, Price was becoming desperate.

  His first two (technically three) recruits were posatively blooming with newly unlocked potential. Agent Puerto Rico in specific was taking after its creator in engineering, the first thing it had done after settling into the new base was fix two mongoose left behind by the previous occupants, along with a jeep that Price had learned through his weekly updates from Agent Montana was referred to, rather affectionately, as the Warthog. Price was glad he agreed with Agent Montana to bring it along.

  But the clock was ticking, and while the Director claimed he had no time limit on his team, he knew his superior would not wait forever.

  And so, the Counselor now found himself standing above Simulation Preparation Station L#5v6, observing the "soldiers" below as they ran through repetitive, and overall useless drills. The overseer, Special Officer Lemons, standing at attention next to him.

 "Are you-" Officer Lemons paused, silently debating if trying to understand what the fuck his bosses were trying to accomplish was worth risking his bi-monthly paycheck, "Are you  _sure_  you want to interview them?"

  Price nodded silently, glancing at two soldiers sitting away from the rest. One short and round, sitting in the cockpit of one of the projects newest assets, a small one person helicopter made with a specially silent engine for stealth missions. None of their agents had been trained to pilot one yet but it seemed that they were now going through the last phase of testing, I.e; seeing how many ways it could possibly be destroyed. The second soldier, tall and lanky, was standing halfway inside the cockpit and seemed to be yelling rather animatedly at the other.

 "This experiment is important Agent. I have... I suppose you could say I have a bit of a _personal stake_ in it." Price glanced over at the the gray armored agent, who grew fidgety under his stare. For someone who was supposed to help deal with your emotional problems, the Councilor was rather unnerving.

 "I suppose it's not my place to judge," Lemons drawled, "but wouldn't it be easier to just request their files? You'd be able to get a pretty good jist of like, _half_ of 'em just by reading through the damage reports."

 "I appreciate your suggestion, Agent Lemons, but I've learned that not everything about an individual can be put on paper," Price said, the last twelve request papers Agent Massachusetts had sent begging for a puppy on base, every single one written out in blue crayon (a different shade for each word) with the misspelled words rewritten above in Agent Montana's handwriting flashing through his mind.

 Again, Lemons shrugged, "Well, none of my business I guess. I'll see how many we can round up for you."

 Just then, a horribly pitched scream priced the air and both men turned back to the window. The Troopers Price had been observing had figured out the how to activate the helicopter, the lanky one hanging from the cockpit by his fingertips as the squatter one swerved through the air, attempting to shake him. Both were yelling colorfully at each other while others Troopers crowded below to watch. Eventually the lanky Trooper crawled his way into the cockpit, sitting in an uncomfortable position, curled halfway behind the pilot. They were barely ten feet off the ground before the pilot let out a loud "FUCK IT" and killed the engine, as well as the several other Troopers it landed on who hadn't thought to move out of the way.

 Lemons spoke sheepishly after an awkward pause, "It may take a while-""I have time." Price cut him off sharply.


	2. Chapter 2

_ ***BEGIN AUDIO LOG*** _

"Please state your name and rank."

"Name: Teddy Murphy. Friends call me Murph. Rank: Lieutenant first class. Hobbies: Crushing Blue fuckers and knitting."

"And How long have you been enlisted?"

"Eh, 'bout three years, give or take."

"Of course. Lt. Murphy, I am recruiting for a special team of soldiers that our superiors believes can do much good."

"I'm glad you chose me! Can't wait to work with you!"

"No, no. You see, Lieutenant, I'm going to ask you some questions, and evaluate weather or not you could be considered a possible candidate."

"Oh, things like strengths and weakness!"

"Exactly. I-"

"Of my teammates! So I'll be able to pick up the slack!"

"No, this is simply a list of possible _candidates._ Nothing is set in stone-"

"And I suppose we better hash out payment before all the rest of the hassle!"

"No. Agents will be living on site with monthly food and weapon restocks, and anything else needed can be presented via request form to be evaluated. You will not be paid."

"Wai- what? _What!?_ Those terms are unacceptable! I can't work with that!"

"You are not wor-"

"I quit!"

* * *

"Please state your name and rank."

"Hizashi Miyake. Private, First Class."

"Tell me something about yourself, Private Miyake."

"Well, gee. What can I say? Uhh, I'm 27, I have three sisters and two brothers. My oldest brother was an ODST before he died in combat, that was... Kind of my motivation for joining the army. To be like him! Or to some extent, try to understand him better. My brother and I never really got along in past. I never realized how much I looked up to him until he was gone."

"It must have been hard to hear the news then."

"You have no idea."

"What was his name?"

"Terrence. He- *laughter* he had this dumb nickname he called himself in school. Probably thought it made himself sound badass or something, I thought it was kinda dumb. Ma said it stuck when he enlisted though, so maybe I was wrong. That, or, his squad was just as big dorks as he was."

"You mentioned that you weren't as close as you would like before his passing.. would you care to elaborate?"

"Well, I mean... We were brothers, of course we cared about each other, and I love him, but I feel like he was always the one reaching out, not just to me, he was always making friends. He knew everyone, _cared_ about everyone, and I- _*sigh* **I**..._ was always the one who hid away from everyone."

"Hmm. I see."

"He was always more there for me than I ever was for him. I wanna make up for that. Y'know, care about people, the way he always did."

"Oh? Well, Private Miyake, I believe this interview is turning out promising. Very promising."

"Really? Wow, we haven't even gone over my stats yet!"

"You're a compelling storyteller. Your attitude alone would be a wonderful addition."

"That's really kind of you! Man, I've been stressing out about this interview thing since I heard about it. You know I was even thinking of introducing myself by my brother's nickname? That would have been embarrassing enough, even if it wasn't so ridiculous."

"If you don't mind me asking, What is this amusing nickname?"

"'Shark-face'. Dumb, I know, but I was thinking of calling myself something similar. To get in touch or something, you know?"

...

"I see.."

* * *

"Please state your name and rank."

"... **...**..."

"Please speak clearly into the recording device."

" **...**.. **.**.. _.._ "

*Sigh*

* * *

"Please state your name and rank."

"Private Dick Simmons! Or, no, wait! Richard Simmons! Is Dick too offensive? I would _never_ mean to offend a superior officer, but I mean, that's what everyone calls me. Well, no, everyone _here_ calls me "Simmons" but that's because it's an army thing! My friends back home call me Dick! Well... My mom calls me Dick..."

"..."

"Does my mom hate me?"

"Private Simmons? You were one of the soldiers in the stealth helicopter."

  "I swear! I was trying to get him out of it! He was trying to abandon his post! Again!"

"..."

"Look. I don't even _know_ Grif that well. We met our first day of training and he just- he was _sooo_... Lazy! I mean, **_what_** is someone like _him_ doing in the army!? The drill sergeants were trying to beat it out of him, but it was like they more trouble he got in, the less he cared! He was going to get kicked out!"

"So you took it upon yourself to help? Very noble."

"I couldn't just leave him! One screwup can make the whole squad look bad! Sir!"

"Of course, and how would you define your team building skills, Private Simmons?"

"I don't... I mean.. I think I do okay. I'm not all that great at.. talking to people, or about people, but I can support them! From a distance!"

"Private Simmons, I would like you to fill out this short test."

"Oh! I love examinations! Will.. this go on any kind of score?"

"It's just something I would like you to do for me. Take all the time you need."

"Alright.."

"..."

"Done."

"It's been five minutes."

"You _were_ keeping track!? You said it wasn't timed!"

"There was no limit, but I was counting."

"Did I.. uhh.. did I do alright?"

"..."

"Private Simmons... I would like to give you a little history about this equation you solved."

"So I got it right!!"

"Yes, you got it right, in five minutes. In fact we have this exact equation to one of the UNSC's most advanced AIs, and do you know how long it took for it to figure it out?"

"...four minutes?"

"... Private Simmons, it took seven minutes."

* * *

"Please state your name and rank."

"Dexter Grif. Private. Second class."

"Second? I was lead to believe everyone in your unit had made it to first."

"Well I would still be in third, but somehow I actually completed a mission thanks to that Simmons guy."

"You were the other soldier with Private Simmons, the one that crashed the helicopter."

"I didn't crash it. I just killed the engine. Was it important equipment? Can it never be used again? Am I in trouble, because my SO said one more insistent and I was out!"

"You don't sound too nervous about that, but no, your not in trouble and the helicopter can be repaired."

"Oh."

"You figured out how to fly it very well. Have you been in something similar before?"

"Well helicopters are just cars with wings, right? They can't be too different."

"I know several engineers and one pilot that would heavily disagree with you. So you have never flown before?"

"Well, not formally."

"... Elaborate, please."

"Can this get me in trouble?"

"It will depend on what you tell me."

"I used to drag race when I was younger, you know. I had a whole scams thing where people would pay me to lose, otherwise I'd win and bet on myself. When I got drafted, I impersonated an airline pilot to try to get out of the country, but they picked me up at the airport."

"Before the flight?"

"No, after. I also started the train early during the last suplys delivery before they finished their stowaway search or whatever, but they just threw me off the train. That one's already on my record though."

"I see."

"So about that "in trouble" thing.."

"Private Grif, I am starting a team with specific talents-"

"No."

"I-.. pardon?"

"No. I'm not joining any Avengers Initiative, okay? If you're not here to kick me out, then fuck off."

"Private, I don't think you understand."

"Nope. I'm leaving. Nice meeting you, whatever your name is."

_***END AUDIO LOG*** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry haven't posted in a while!
> 
> Comment if you spot any errors or if you wanna tell me your thoughts. Or you wanna tell me a joke, I'd appreciate it all.
> 
> (I am literally begging for comments. I have no one to talk to please I'm so lonely.)


End file.
